For Olivia's fan club

I know you're out there. You used to stalk Chris and I, but now that Olivia is in the picture we don't even blip on the radar. That's okay. No really, it's fine. 

Liv is now 8.5 months old. Hard to believe, I know. Every day there is some new thing that makes me laugh. Like tonight, I think I taught her how to 'high five'. We're also working on the word 'no'. It already feels like a loosing battle. Especially when she looks up at me and grins in her oh so charming way. Yeah, can we say puddle. of. goo? I've been learning how to bite my lip a lot. I mean, it's not her fault playing in the water dripping from the filter into the Culligan bottle is so fun (we'll start our education component early, like maybe tomorrow, and learn all about cross contamination...) or that Mommy's computer makes all sorts of fun sounds when you slap it. And then Mommy makes some not so fun sounds...

What I'm most loving about this age is how much more involved Liv is. I love watching how she responds to things. She hasn't really gone through a stranger phase. In fact, I would say it's the opposite. Once she makes friends, and this can happen in about 3.2 seconds, she often doesn't want to let go. Like at Kaliko on the weekend when she met the general manager and decided she would rather hang out with her. Our friend Barb came to visit a couple weeks ago and popped her head in the room before washing her hands and Olivia cried when she went away, afraid she was gone for good. 

I'm noticing how much Olivia is responding to black people. She definitely has a connection to them, and I'm so thankful. I worry about what it will be like for her to grow up with white parents. Especially in the area of the country that we live in. It makes me happy to see her drawn to people in this way because I want her to have strong ties to where she came from. 

We're trying out new food adventures. Mainly getting into finger foods. She has four teeth now and is less and less interested in having someone else feed her. She often tries to high-jack the spoon, but isn't quite so successful at hitting the target. It's fun to watch her go through the process of feeding herself. She's getting pretty good at it and the remnants on the floor are getting fewer.

Our days of peace and tranquility (is there even such a thing in a place like Haiti?) ended about 8.5 months ago. Now they're just getting busier. Little Miss O has become much more mobile and has all sorts of fun exploring the house and harassing her parents, kind of like she's doing right now. I feel like I have a wiggly little cling on hanging off of me, but I know it's just Olivia. Standing up next to me trying to eat my pants and maybe crawl up on my lap? I know she really just wants to come back up to finish off the Post It pad that she was chewing on a few minutes ago. I know, terrible. But, it was that or my cell phone. 

If you could hear her now it would be a combination of making a Wookie like cooing and squeals and squeaks mixed with some coughing and grunting, all of which she has perfected. Not to mention the whining and crying. 

Speaking of which, it's time for a bath. Olivia say's "Good night!"

In no particular order

Little Miss Priss.

We're starting early with her water education.

One of our favorite things.

This is what happens when you leave the tap on to do dishes, then go and take a nap with the baby. For two hours. Thank goodness the generator wasn't on...

The apartment coming along.

On Friday we went to visit our friend Barb and installed her filter in her new house. 

After the filter installation we went to visit the kids at her school. Can you find the white people?

Life in Rollingville

We've been having a great visit with Erik and Susie. They leave tomorrow, so today they're trying to pack in as much Haiti fun as possible. Chris and Matt took them for a hike up a mountain to an old fort in St. Marc, and then they were planning on doing a bit of shopping to pick up some essential Haitian souvenirs, like spicy peanut butter and rum. Chris called me from the store to ask if he could buy a giant bottle of green olives, and was excited because he found sandwich pickles. Yum!

So one of the biggest items of excitement in the last few days is that the new bridge is open! To celebrate on Saturday we went out and had LOTS of fun.

Saturday morning we headed down to Kaliko to visit Ben & Heather for the day. Because they rent one of the resort owners houses they get into the resort to use the pool and beach for free, as do any of the friends they have with them. We love Ben and Heather because they're about the same age as us, they have young kids, they're Canadians (woot!), and we have a lot in common. It's always nice when we get together with them, and we seem to have a lot of fun taking our families (that still seems weird to me whenever I say it) down to the pool for a few hours of swimming. Swimming is one of Olivia's very favorite things. She could be in the water for hours. It's always fun for Chris and I to take her in the pool because she loves to splash and will even "jump" off the wall into our arms. Yeah, she's 8 months old. This is one area where she has no fear. We should have lots of fun once she learns how to walk... I'm thinking a tether system where she can run around in circles in the yard, but no into the ocean ;)

After swimming and socializing on Saturday afternoon, we headed down to Club Indigo for dinner. It was nice to get out for the evening and do something we haven't done in months. We usually don't go out for dinner unless we have guests at the mission. Chris says that it's because my food is way better than anything we could eat at a restaurant around here. Matt thinks I should cook worse tasting food if I want to get myself taken out more often ;) Nothing like job security...

Yesterday we went to church up at Canaan. It was hot. And it was long. I like going to church there, I just don't like having to lick the sweat drops coming of my nose and upper lip. They haven't given country power in our area for about 6 weeks, and word on the street is that we won't be getting it for another 6 months or so, until they move the power poles for the road construction. That and the cost of fuel means people are only using their generators when they need to. No fans in church. 

Yesterday afternoon we hosted our bi-weekly missionary get together. We look forward to the meetings. It's a chance for us to visit with people that have become friends over the years, to catch up, encourage and pray for each other. We do some singing and there's a devotional. We had 22 people there yesterday and a couple of people aren't back from their summer fundraising yet. I like it when everyone is around. It feels like our "Haiti family" is all home. 

In other random news...

Yesterday we came home from church to find a BIG puddle of blood outside our deck doors. There was no indication of what had caused it. We thought the dog might have attacked a chicken or something, but nothing to point us in that direction. She looked totally fine and was happy. We checked our security cameras but the camera was pointed just above where the puddle had been so no luck there. It wasn't until we were just wrapping up the missionary meeting that the mystery was solved. Jabez started bleeding from her leg like crazy. Turns out she had cut herself on the leg, but it had stopped bleeding by the time we got home. When she started licking it again it opened up. We think it must have been close to an artery because there was a lot of blood for the size of cut. Our nurse friend Elsie was here so we combined efforts and got the dog bandaged up. Today she's totally fine and things look good and closed up. She was even running around the yard in her nutbar way. It was such an odd little mystery to try and solve. It's amazing what kind of conclusions 5 people can come up with when they come home and discover blood...

Our apartment is coming along nicely. Can't remember if I've mentioned that Chris and I are considering moving our family in there when it's done, and using the main house as office space and accomodation for other volunteers. The mission house was designed to be a weekend house, not one that got lived in for the long term, so there are a lot of things that aren't super functional for a family, like only having one bedroom with doors, which we had to add. Moving to the new building would give us a bit of separation from work too, which would be nice. We're basically paying a lot of attention to detail while we're building the apartment and building it so it would be functional for our family if we do make the final decision to move in. That way it has everything we need, but would also work for anyone else living in there. It's exciting for us to see walls going up and to see things like where the windows will go, especially after looking at lines on paper for so long. This floor is going up much faster than the first since we didn't have to spend so much time on foundation work. However, we know that the finishing is going to take longer so it's a catch 22. 

The solar array is coming along too. Thony came in this morning because he had fallen on the scaffolding. People often ask what my job is here. Part of it is playing mom/first aid giver and bandaging up the owies. Thony is now walking around with a bunch of bandaids all over himself :) 

Something happened on Saturday morning that made Chris and I very sad. Manes, one of our workers, was here doing some welding on the molds. I was upstairs sewing when I heard him come to the door and talk to Chris. It's not normal for Haitians to just cry. They will weep and wail when they're at funerals, but you don't often see them express emotion in the form of tears. At least, I haven't. After Chris and Manes were done talking I went to find out what was going on. Manes had just gotten the call that his baby had died. The baby was only about a month old. Manes is only about 22, and not married, which is quite normal here. He was devastated. I went to talk to him and he told me that the baby had been sick since Monday. It was so hard for Chris and I because we know that babies don't need to die. There is enough knowledge and resources, even here in Haiti, that babies don't need to die. It's just a case of asking. We know that if Manes had come to us that we either would have figured out what was wrong, or could have taken the baby to someone that would have. We know people that could have helped. 

Many Haitians don't know that when they go to the doctor they have the right to ask questions, not just take the prescription for medication. When they don't know what's going on they often turn to the witch doctor because they don't feel like anything has been done. When someone dies, it's often blamed on curses or something like that - not that they had an illness that may or may not have been treated. It's all about education - people knowing that they can and should ask questions, and doctors taking the time to really talk to people about what's making them sick. I talked to Jean, our foreman, this morning and told him that we were having a hard time with what happened to Manes and his family and that we want all of the workers to know that if they have sick kids, they can come to us and let us know because we might be able to direct them to help that they didn't know existed. 

Haiti is a weird mix of things that get thrown at you on a daily basis. It's all about knowing how to juggle stuff I think.

Trying to catch up...

Everything seems to finally have aligned so that I can finally sit down and do some blogging. Phew. I know some of you are probably going through withdrawal. 

I arrived back on Friday. The trip was good. Even smoother than the trip back to Canada (saying "home" when I talk about coming home just gets confusing). I didn't get much sleep on the plane, but I just kind of kept going and managed to get here. I was the first one out of the airport in Haiti, which was kind of fun. The trip home was long because the roads were nasty, but I got here and was happy to settle in. 

I wasn't sure what Olivia would do when she saw me. Turns out she did nothing. Literally nothing but look at me. Maybe she'd given up and was already moving on? I don't know. After some snuggle time she realized I was in fact back and that it was okay to crawl all over me and babble away happily. For the next 48 hours any time I walked out of the room she would freak out. Yesterday she and I got to spend an entire day together, alone, and that seems to have helped. The boys were happy to see me too. They both said so in their own ways. My favorite was when I was putting the chicken on for supper on Friday night and Matt said, with much enthusiasm, "You're making CHICKEN for dinner?" like I was cooking a turkey dinner. They had eaten all of the tomato soup, almost all of the ramen noodles and had just been going up to Canaan to eat dinner with friends up there for the four nights before I got home. Poor boys... 

I know a lot of people were concerned about how Chris would do with Olivia on his own. Let me just put your minds at ease. My husband rocked the single parent for a week and a half deal. Not only did he juggle baby and three major projects, he kept the house tidy and did all of the laundry before I got home! Uh huh, you read that right. ALL OF THE LAUNDRY. I was hoping that the house would be moderately tidy, and would have been very happy at that. But the laundry. Wow. About. Him. That was a very nice treat indeed. 

My lack of blogginess has been mostly due to my new computer. I needed to spend a considerable amount of time transferring stuff over and getting everything set up. Normally you would buy a computer, pull it out of the box, fire it up and go. Not in this case. I love the lappy, let me start by saying that. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. BUT, it wasn't set up to be super user friendly without some work. Thankfully I have Matt. Matt is my computer hero. We spent an entire day getting things figured out. I wish Chris had taken a picture of us on Monday because it was literally us, sitting at the table all day long in front of two lappys. I think Chris was getting loneyly because he kept asking if we were done. Now everything is transfered over and Matt has wiped the old lappy to start fresh with since his died in a not so dramatic way about a month ago. Me and the new lappy are making friends and getting along nicely. 

Yesterday some friends arrived for a week. Erik and Chris went to university together, and Erik is marrying Susie next month. A few months ago as I looked at our calendar for the rest of the year it was enough to make me want to hyperventilate, but now it's kind of like, "Heh, whatever." Not sure why. Maybe I'm just uber-relaxed from my time away?!? That or there's a part of me that stresses less with visitors now because we sort of have a system down. Matt even told us on Monday night that he thought we would have been more frantic with guests arriving the next day. I think that there are bigger hurdles to overcome right now, and getting frantic about people coming falls lower on the list, especially friends.

When I got back they had made some decent progress on the solar panel array. I haven't mentioned much of the details around this one on the blog, but let me tell you... this is quite the project. We have one part of the yard that gets full sun all day long, thanks to all our big trees that we wouldn't dream of cutting down. So, we have to put the panels up in the work yard, partly above our shop. And, they need to be high to account for how much the trees around them are going to grow in the coming years. About 30 feet high to be exact. So we've built four support posts, and now they're working on the steel beams that will go across them. Then it'll be the mount for the panels - all 64 of them... Sigh. It'll be impressive when it's all done. The panels haven't arrived yet, which is actually a good thing because I have no idea where we would put the things.

They also finished the stairs to the second floor on the new building and started putting up walls while I was away. Yesterday we went and confirmed where the windows will go. This floor will go up faster than the first because we spent so much time doing foundation work. It's exciting to see diagrams and drawings become rooms and to make decisions about things like where a sink will go and to slightly move a wall to account for a linen closet (that was my husband, if you can believe it, without any input from me!). We're still several months away from finishing because the form work for the ceiling takes a very. long. time. 

I think I mentioned that I got my new camera while I was home. It's so. very. nice. I had a freak out when I got back to Haiti. I was trying to take pictures on the way home but kept getting an error message. The camera would take a picture, but I had to turn it off and then on again before I could take another. I took out the battery and card, let it sit over night, used the dust blower and put everything back in the next morning and it worked! I think it was just the humidity change. Haiti does crazy things to electronics. 

Olivia is 8 months old now. When she's not being a cranky fuss pot because of her teeth she's a big cheese. She's somehow managed to learn how to click her tongue in the last few days and now crawls around the house clicking all the time. She loves it if you have a little click conversation with her. She's also super mobile now. Saturday morning she climbed halfway up the set of stairs to our bedroom, just because she wanted Mommy. She hasn't figured out how to go down yet... While I was away she discovered avocados and loves them. Today it was cucumbers and those are a HUGE hit. She likes that she can suck he middle out and end up with a little ring that she can stick her fingers in. 

This afternoon Liv and I went for a walk down the lane to see our friend's baby. I can't for the life of me remember her name because it's something that I've never heard of before and very different. She's a sweet little (very little) doll that was born the day I left. I had a good visit with Garnelle, baby's mom, and realized as I was walking home that it felt really good to be able to have a conversation with another woman here about mothering things, and knew that I wouldn't have been able to do that a year ago simply because of language. I also love that my daughter is responding to and interacting with our workers, friends and neighbors. I love to see how excited she gets when they start talking to her, and that she willingly goes to them for hugs and little visits. It's really important to Chris and I that our kids feel a sense of connectedness in this way, and we know it may be difficult at times. Our black child will always be the adopted child of the white people. And any white children we have will always be the white kids in the neighborhood. All of our children will stand out in their own way. I want them to be strong and confident in that, and part of it is having ties to the people around them. 

Well, I think it's time to go hang out by the fire... a.k.a. - this is what you do with the immense amount of garbage that washes up on your beach because there is no such thing as a garbage dump.

My visit in bullet points

I'm leaving tomorrow. Already. But I'm happy because I miss my man and my girl, and they miss me, and I want to squeeze them both. But sad because I love this place so much.

In a nutshell...

• My friend's wedding was SO GOOD. She was super relaxed and organized so the days before were fun and relaxed. I got to know some new people and see some old friends. The day was beautiful.
• I did all the flowers for the wedding (little known fact about me - I used to be a florist and did my own wedding flowers too). I was so happy with how they turned out. I think I actually like them better than my own, come to think of it. It was really fun for me to be able to do something like this for people that I love so much, and that it meant so much to them for me to do it.
• Sunday was family day. We went to church and I got all warm and fuzzy when I got a nod from the stage after they realized I was there. I worked there for 3 years before moving to Haiti so it's always a special place for me to visit. It has it's own sense of "home" for me. We went for lunch, then my brother took us out on his boat. We went out on one of my favorite lakes and took a walk down memory lane when we went by my grandparents old cabin which was an essential part of my childhood. 
• Monday I hung out with my brother and then spent the rest of the afternoon getting a pedicure and facial - a belated birthday present from my parents. I came home feeling more relaxed than I've probably felt in the last few years. It was pure bliss. 
• Tuesday mom and I went and did some shopping. It's what we do. It was fun. 
• I met with our board president and his wife this morning. We had a great time of sharing and just reconnecting. Chris and I are so incredibly blessed by our board of directors and their whole approach to supporting us and the mission. They have a very big pastoral heart and their primary concern is that Chris and I are taken care of. It's another reason why we love what we do. 
• Olivia has her own fan club. I got to spend some time with a few of the members on Tuesday night. They also happen to be blog stalkers... he he he.
• Packing stresses me out. At least trying to pack to head back to Haiti. Especially when I have to guess about the weight of a bag because the scale is broken. Ugh, just thinking about it makes me feel queasy. Blech. I'm always so happy once the bags are checked because I know that they're fine.

I've had such a great visit home, and as it's progressed I've realized how much I really needed it. It's not that I was exhausted and worn out. I was actually doing just fine. It's more that I just needed to reconnect. I'm the fourth generation of my family that has lived/grown up in this community. My roots are deep. I realize just how deep when I do come home. It's in the way people say, "Oh, you're Jean and Ralph's granddaughter!' or that they can say things like "Your mom/grandmother/father/grandafather has/have been so looking forward to seeing you!" and I know that they aren't just saying it because they do know my parents or grandparents. We have streets named after my family. I can show you where my great grandfather's dairy farm used to be. He built our house. This, is where I'm from. And I want my kid(s) to understand why I love it so much, and to eventually feel a sense of home here too. I want to share with them all the things that make this place such a big part of me. I love that no matter how long I'm gone this will always be home. And that Haiti is home too. 

September 10, live from Seattle

Another post written while traveling...

I’m sitting here in Seattle, playing with my new computer (ack!). The old lappy was getting tired and not moving so fast these days. Poor thing. I went through security with it in Miami yesterday and the guy working the line where things go through the scanner looked at it and said, “Wow, that’s a bit beaten up!” and then proceeded to pick it up and examine it like a beaten up computer is the perfect place for an innocent looking girl like me to hide something suspicious. Cuz I look like that.

The other super special item waiting for me was my new camera (ack again!). Mmmm. It was good timing. The one I got from Chris’ brother a few months ago is starting to be fussy. As in, not wanting to hold battery charge and not wanting to focus. Sooo, me and the new camera are going to have some fun getting to know each other. It’s just beefy and I’m so excited to be able to play with it.

I arrived just fine with all of my stuff last night. I figure if I can get myself and my bags across a country in a day we’re doing well.  By the time I got to bed last night it was well after 2 am my time. Would you believe I slept for about 3 hours and then was wide awake? Ugly, I know. That’s what I get for waking up at 5:40 am every. single. day. I figure I can nod off on the plane for the short time that it’ll be in there. I was thinking as I was landing in Seattle that I would basically be coming to the house, sleep, then be back at the airport in less than 12 hours. Crazy. I haven’t done the trip this way since before we got married because we usually fly into Seattle then drive the van up, and break it up with a few days of visiting here.

So, thoughts on the first world so far. Maybe it’s too soon? I noticed yesterday as I was waiting for my flight out of Miami that a lot of people here have a hard time sitting still. Especially business men. They seem to always need to be calling someone or using their computers or something. Not sure if it’s because they absolutely need to use every waking minute to work, or if they just can’t sit still without doing anything. Like they don’t feel they’re being productive unless the phone is attached to their head. Just an observation.

It was funny to me too to realize how much people will pay for a bottle of water, when there’s a drinking fountain right in plain sight. As I was buying lunch I found myself craning my neck to see if I could see a fountain to fill my water bottle up at. Seriously, why pay for water when you can get it for free? I know that some might argue about the quality of the water, but really, it’s water. Can you imagine what a Haitian would think of buying water when you can get it free 20 feet away??

It’s getting light out. I’m going to go take a shower and get myself all pretty. I always feel like such a grub when I get back here because I usually only comb my hair when I get out of the shower (it’s curly, and I always have it up in Haiti so I can get away with it), and never wear make up. It’s nice when I’m not sweating so much that I can J

Blogging from the road

**This was blogged while en route home, I just haven't had much time to post it until now.

I’m sitting in the Miami airport and thought I would write while stuff was so fresh in my head. I know the next few days will be a blur so now’s probably the best time to get it out.

 

Before I forget! I checked out my site meter stats yesterday and have to admit, I had some fun doing it. It was the first time and it was fun for me to see who was reading, or at least the location of readers, which is pretty much like saying “Hey, I’m reading!” because I knew who most of you were. I know there are new readers checking out the blog either from searching Haiti online or because you’ve linked from other blogs. Welcome! To those of you that have linked me on your blog, thanks! It means a lot to me that you want others to read this thing. I’m glad our life is interesting enough that you want to come visit :)

 

Now, on to other things.

 

We were up and getting ready to go at 4:45 am this morning. I was really awake for about an hour or more before that. I haven’t been this ansy about a trip in a long time. I think Chris likes to be the cool as a cucumber traveler and me, well, I’m the one that wants to get in line as soon as possible, and do everything early etc. It’s kind of like the oil and vinegar of traveling and has resulted in more than one frustrated discussion. This is actually the first trip I’ve taken solo since before we got married. I feel like it’s a chance to bust out for a bit, but then I get slammed with the fact that the reason I’m going solo is because we can’t travel together right now. Sigh.

 

Chris didn’t want me to wake Olivia up before I left because he didn’t want her to get all sad when we left her at home with Matt. I can’t help it if she woke up while I was standing there hovering over her crib. And it may have had something to do with me picking her up and giving her gentle little kisses and taking deep breaths of her. Just maybe. Honey, if you’re reading this, sorry. I gave her a quick change, held her for a few minutes, then handed her off and we were out the door with no big emotional breakdown, which was what Chris was really worried about.

 

We had Jean drive us to the bridge, walked across and were in the truck and on the road in really good time. There was hardly any traffic and because of it Chris was able to drive less aggressively and we were able to look around more than normal.

 

In many places you could see where the water had washed over the road. I was blown away when we got to Kaliko, a beach resort about 25 minutes from us, and we saw that a whole river bed had washed across the road and down the drive to the resort, and into some of the properties along the road. It made me sad because we have friends that live right there and I could now see why they lost 40 feet of their wall. I’m amazed at the power of water.

 

The worst, by far, was Cabaret. As we started driving into town we could tell that A LOT of water had moved right through and over the road. Whole fields were still under several feet of water in places, and the damage on the other side of the road was incredible. Mud lines 4 feet up on houses and cars strewn about yards covered in debris. There was hardly anyone out on the roads – few people, few animals, few vehicles. As we got into town I noticed that only one roadside stand had anything to sell, and it was just a few belts. I wondered aloud about it and Chris told me it was still early, but I don’t think that was it because we’ve gone through there early in the morning before and there was more happening. I wondered if it was that people weren’t out selling, or if they didn’t have anything left to sell.

 

Going out of town found me yelling “Hole, hole, hole!” and Chris swerving around what was actually the road falling down about a foot or so. Our friend had warned us about it, so Chris had it in his head, but couldn’t see it the way I did. We got a bit further up the road and saw more damage. The water had come down fast and hard. On my side of the road there were no more ditches. There were caverns. The banks had literally been washed away so I was looking down a 20 foot drop to where people were trying to get water from the small pools that had formed. At one point the road went to one lane as we took turns driving past a place where the road had literally sunk down to nothingness. To my right a building was destroyed and another had completely sunk into another 20 foot deep cavern and was reduced to a pile of rubble. As quickly as we saw it we were out of town and the landscape looked normal.

 

I don’t even know what I think about what we saw this morning other than the fact that it was BAD. I felt so sad for the families that have been so badly affected by the last two weeks of weather here.

 

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I got to the airport and was a little stressed when we saw barricades up to make lines that would wrap around and around and around. It was early so I didn’t have to wait long to get in, and then the lines were long again inside, but organized. In fact, more organized than normal. All of the ticket agents were open too, also not a normal occurrence at the airport in Port au Prince. I was in the airport, through security, through check in and through customs in an hour. That, is record time.

 

Our plane left on time, and arrived early. Miracle. I got up to customs in Miami, expecting it to be crazy. I was in and out in about 20 minutes. The custom agent had to ask me what an NGO was, which was kind of silly, but whatever. My luggage was some of the first off, also not usually normal. Getting to Miami, on time, and through customs, on time, is the hard part. This has been a breeze so far and after the week we’ve had I’m pretty grateful for that.

 

Signing of from MIA,

~Leslie

IKE

It's about 10 am and we've had some good wind and rain, but not nearly as bad as Hanna. In fact, right now it's quite bright outside. I didn't sleep well, mostly because of the anticipation I think. I was up around 2 am to start closing windows, then was restless as the wind and rain came and went. 

I was reading Matt and Esther's blog this morning to see if they had any new info up and Matt had posted two great links for pictures.

Le Nouvelliste - click on "L'actualite en photos" on the left sidebar menu.

MINUSTA - has an article front and center with slide shows and galleries. Gives you a better idea about what's happening around the country, not just in Gonaives.

I think I'm going to keep it short. I need to start packing and getting some stuff in order for when I'm gone. So far it looks like I'll be able to get to the airport on Tuesday, just hoping the flights aren't too crazy and backed up because that would suck. 

~Leslie

Decompressing

I finally feel like I'm able to write down some of the things that have been going through my head and heart over the last week.

I think we were all running on adrenaline for the first part of the week, but none of us knew we were. It was that mix of wondering and watching to see what was going on, going online when we could and trying to get info when we could. The hard part was that there was very little. No one really seemed to know what was going on. Best guesses about Hanna's destination were repeatedly wrong. It was all just so unpredictable. The guys went out on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings to see how bad things were, but I was stuck at home and just heard second hand. I didn't realize what that was doing to my stress level. It just left me feeling unsettled and out of control. 

When word of the bridge problems came on Wednesday evening the stress level heightened for all of us. You don't realize how it can feel to be cut off from things until you either are or are very close to being so. Personal stuff aside I kept thinking about what it would mean on a bigger scale. Crops had already been damaged, and they were already having difficulty transporting much needed supplies to the Gonaives area. That bridge is the only access from Port to our area. It would cut off hundreds of thousands of people that were already living in a state of destruction from food and other things like fuel. People would get more desperate. Desperation makes people do crazy things. I was overwhelmed with a sense of helplessness. It's hard to describe.

On Thursday morning I had to go out to do an errand in Pierre Payen. It was my first time off the mission property in 5 days. I drove slowly so I could see as much as possible. There was very little traffic since vehicles couldn't move over the bridge. People were using the road as a sidewalk essentially. As I parked the truck I saw a man walk by with plastic bags tied over his shoes. Practical. I went to do my errand. I was broadsided with just how much people were picking up and moving on. Like they'd had a little rain, not been swept by a major tropical storm that dumped over a foot of rain in most places in our area. 

I was hit with the contrast of what was going on in the US at that very moment. People were being evacuated from areas that may get hit by Hanna. People were bolting down and preparing. Those in New Orleans were returning knowing that it would be weeks before life was even close to normal. In Haiti people were hanging things out to dry and going around with business as usual, as much as they could. All morning as we were trying to find news articles I was struck with what I found. The articles that I did find would mention a paragraph or two about what was happening here, but then went on for the rest of the article to talk about how it was going to affect the US, what preparations were being made etc. It was a feeling of being unimportant and forgotten, yet looking around and seeing people's lives in shambles, and those people being willing to just move on. I found myself on the verge of tears because of the resilience that I saw here, but it saddened me deeply that people here have learned to accept this as part of their normal. I know that if it was something happening in North America it would take months to recover from the magnitude of what was going on around us. It wasn't just one city, it's an entire country.

I came home and my own levy broke and I couldn't stop the tears. All of the emotions that I had pushed down over the previous days - fear, anxiety, curiosity, uncertainty, helplessness - all washed over me and I just cried. It was a few minutes, but it was enough to give me room to breathe again. I went from feeling all jittery and anxious to being able to think and move again. It was such a strange feeling. The sun was out, the sea was calm, I did laundry, the guys went back to work. Along with everyone else around us we were trying to get back to "normal" and go about our day. That reality kept bouncing back and forth with everything I had seen over the past few days. 

Later Thursday afternoon I went with my friend Elsie to go see the bridge in Montrouis just so I could see for myself and essentially get an update so we would be able to better gauge things here and make plans for how we were going to go about our daily stuff for the next couple of weeks.

When we got to the bridge I was surprised by the amount of order that I saw. There were a lot of people standing around and watching everything going on - a very normal thing for people to do here. Busses and tap taps were driving to the bridge on our side, turning around, parking and unloading their passengers and cargo, then reloading with the people and things that walked across the bridge, and continuing on down the road. Men with wheel barrows were loading up cargo on one side and walking it across the bridge to waiting trucks, busses and tap taps on the other side. People just walked over and went about their day. I was happy to see this because it meant that the things that were needed were still getting where they needed to go, it was just a bit slower. I was impressed with the ability to degaje (make it work). 

The bridge itself had been surveyed for damage and spray painted marks were made where it needed repair. There was a backhoe in the water scooping up the river bed near the outsides of the river and piling it in the middle to divert the water around the middle support that had sunk. I was happy to see that there was something happening. Normally things like this would take months to fix just because of the speed of how things work here. Thankfully the UN are on high alert and the Dominican road crew that's doing the repairs on the highway have been working in our area for the last few weeks. All of the machines and equipment they need are already here and they didn't waste any time getting to work. 

As Elsie and I stood there I was acutely aware of the fact that we were the only white people amongst the hundreds that were standing at vantage points along the banks. At one point I took a picture and the man next to me told me that I needed to give him money for taking the picture. I laughed at him and told him that I didn't need to give him anything. Another man standing near me started talking to me in English and it turned out that he had seen me at one of the local resorts with friends. When I responded to him in Creole he happily said, "Oh! Ou se yon blan Ayatian!" Oh! You're a white Haitian! I smiled and appreciated his comment because so often people are telling us we don't belong. In the midst of everything around us I stood out, but one person made me feel like I was just like everyone else - standing there trying to get a sense of what was going on, a compass point, so I could figure out how to move through the coming days. 

Yesterday we got invited to go visit friends in Montrouis for the evening. We all agreed that we needed the diversion. We parked the truck on one side, crossed like everyone else, and our friend met us on the other side. We had such a good evening. We swam in their pool, had "tea" and spent the rest of the night playing cards. It felt normal. It was fun. It was relaxing. We were all letting out a breath.

That said, there's an underlying feeling of uncertainty hovering around as word passes about IKE. After the last week no one really knows what to expect. If it goes by and leaves us with rain it'll mean more problems in the ravaged north. This morning we looked online and saw that it had moved a bit south - not good. We're talking and thinking about how to prepare. I feel like we're just waiting. It's subtly stressful. 

Please be praying for the people of Haiti. Pray for those that are trying to get much needed supplies and help to the Gonaives area. Until the bridge in Montrouis is fixed they are reliant on water transport of everything that they need to get to that area. People are still stranded and the aide workers in that area are going to be getting tired and frustrated, not to mentioned worried about the coming days. 

Thought you might want to see

Just found this BBC video online of a fly-over of Gonaives yesterday. Go HERE to watch.

Update on things this morning:

• The sun is out. The ocean is calmer than it has been in 4 days. 
• The Montrouis bridge was watched by police until late last night. Then they went home. Then someone decided to drive over it with a truck. It apparently sunk a few more feet. 
• The friends from the orphanage that Chris went to help have three vehicles on the other side of the bridge and we're able to use them for anything we need so I have a ride to the airport. Phew!
• Olivia slept through the night. She also ate her breakfast. And has been less whiney this morning. Mom and Dad are happy. They were starting to turn into crazy people. 
• The doors and windows are all open. The workers are all here. I'm doing laundry. Feels kind of normal. That in itself feels strange after several days of chaos.
• Our workers have gone out into the community to talk to people about the filters. We're selling them at a "hurricane discount" so those that don't have them and have little resources can get access to them if needed.

Time to hang my clothes.

~Leslie

Sitting in the wake

I'm feeling drained right now. I was fine until a few hours ago. I think the adrenaline is wearing off and I'm hitting crash point. I didn't realize how stressed I was about things around us until we sat down to dinner. 

The bullet updated of what we've found out or seen in the last 24 hours in the wake of Hanna:

• Woke up this morning to find a beach covered in debris that had washed down from the local rivers. We're talking large parts of trees. Many of them. The entire beach for as far as I could see looked like the coast of BC covered in driftwood. Never seen anything like it here.
• Chris and Matt drove around again this morning. The local rivers were well above any level they had ever seen them at before.
• The foot bridge up the Pierre Payen corridor got wiped out completely. People have no way of getting across there now. Our guard, who lives up in that area, had to walk over the mountain and down to get to work today.
• One of our employees was thrown off his bed in the middle of the night last night when a boulder 5 feet in diameter loosened from the hillside behind his home and rolled into his house, breaking a huge hole in the back wall and hitting his bed. Thankfully no one was hurt. Unfortunately the boulder is too big to move and wont break up. This family has no choice but the take what they can salvage from their rock and mud house, and find another place to live. When I asked Michel what they would do he said that they would trust God to give them another home. There was another boulder that rolled down right beside the first. I was so sad as I stood there looking at his crushed home, and I felt helpless. 
• We got word early this evening that the Montrouis bridge is slowly collapsing. This is the bridge on Route 1 Nationale, the national highway that connects most of the northern part of the country with the south. There are no other routes through our area. The middle support on the bridge is being washed out. If it collapses millions of people will be cut off from the south, and most importantly the capital. That means no food and supplies arriving by road. No one moving in or out. We are unfortunately on the wrong side of the bridge right now. We're hoping that between the UN and the Dominican company that's doing the new road work someone will figure out how to repair the bridge quickly. 
• Matt and Chris left the house just before 8 pm to go help a local orphanage move the supplies that it just bought in Port au Prince today from the bridge to the orphanage. The police are letting people walk across, but no vehicles. They had two trucks of stuff on one side and will carry it across where the guys will load it and take it up to the orphanage. 
• Our house has 4 open windows coming out of the roof. In a good storm it means the rain manages to find it's way in. This evening our floors were dry for the first time in two days.
• Olivia has been super needy over the last few days. Not eating well, sleeping lots and not wanting to be put down. We're wondering if she's got some bug, on top of feeling the stress and uncertainty of all that's happened in the last two days.
• Neither Chris nor I have slept well for the last few nights. Too many thundering waves, endless rain and things in our heads.
• I keep thinking about all the fields that have been wiped out and am scared to see what's going to happen on the food front. People were hungry before, but this is a whole other beast.

The Montrouis river at about 7 am today.

The beach this morning.

In a nutshell, Haiti is a mess. Thinking about IKE heading our way has me feeling anxious and worried. I don't even want to think about the possibilities. As an organization we're going to be sending our workers out on foot up the corridor here in Pierre Payen to find out if people need or want filters and we'll be selling them at a very reduced price to try and get them to people that need them ASAP. 

Please be praying for everyone here. Chris just heard that the main bridge between Gonaives and Cap Haitian is out, so another part of the country is cut off. In all the years that Chris has been here he's never seen the weather be this bad. It's a very helpless feeling. Today he's been sort of flitting about, I think from stress energy because there's so much going on and we're essentially sitting here on our hands waiting to see what or if we have a part in anything in the coming weeks. Thankfully we have about 200 filters on the ground and the capacity to be building about 10 a day if needed. That is if the supplies are available. 

Adding to my stress level right now is the fact that I'm set to fly out on Tuesday to be in BC on Wednesday so I can stand up in my friend's wedding on Saturday. The thought of not being able to get to the airport is stressful.

Hanna in pictures

Our internet is working surprisingly well right now considering what's going on outside. All of the pictures were taken within the last hour, between 10:30 and 11:30 am our time. Crazy. I've never seen waves this big in all my time here. We haven't been able to find much news online about the damage this is causing, but have heard from people in country that Gonaives is under water again like it was in 2004 after hurricane Jeanne, and we've heard that the hurricane is supposed to hit directly within the next 24 hours before it moves on. Please be praying for the people of Haiti. The worst part is that Ike is headed our way. It's going to be a busy season. 

Hanna Hits

We just got through Gustav, and now we have Hanna. 

Sunday we had bigger waves than normal, and it started to get overcast. Yesterday, more of the same. Last night the waves were getting bigger and the rain started around dinner time. And it rained. And it rained. And it's still raining, and the waves are HUGE. I was here through the hurricane season in 2005 and we had some big waves then, but I don't remember them ever being this big. We like to watch the hurricanes path online and this one took a big dive south last night to head down to Haiti. Chris checked and there's another one headed our way. I know the hurricanes can cause a lot of damage, but I totally appreciate the reprieve from the heat. Maybe it's just the Canadian in me. 

Yesterday we had to fire one of our workers for theft. It makes us incredibly sad because he's been here for over three years. It just wasn't fun on any level. 

Because of the rain and weather today no one is at work. We LOVE rain days. It's like a snow day back in Canada. No one goes out, nothing happens, you just stay home, hunker down and enjoy the quiet. The guys are going into St. Marc to hook up our friends power inverter and I'm staying here with the wee one to sew and do other Leslie things. 

~Leslie